poetic processing by neptunecrystal

if it's not "broke" don't "fix" it 
if it's "fixed", "break" it

taking a "break"

reminding me of word thoughts yesterday.... 
"break"
"brake"
how things get made so they can't be tampered with for nefarious purposes
how do you make something for very complex complicated purposes that have to account for many different unpredictable variables, purposes that can't afford to be trifled with
what's something very complex and complicated and necessary ... can you take a pair of scissors to it? can you dump water all over it and have it still work? 

we don't have to have the answers, we have to ask everybody varying questions and allow answers to show us the next questions to ask

can you put back together, something you broke or something that broke, somehow along the way, through normal wear and tear

What I’ve learned after my own internet-based western “astrological” information absorption:

Birth charts and past lives and reincarnation stuff can get really dicey real quick…i myself dont even know the full picture when it comes to astrology, hence why i have worked to not over obsess and over analyze astrology, because of what it can cause in my own mind with over-analysis paralysis… so yes, while astrology can provide language for self-understanding and self-sense making, certain interpretations in the mouths of those with no fears for their own freedom/lives and/or no fears on behalf of the lives of others are “playing with fire” so to speak, spreading something that can inflame kindling in the hearts and minds of those who can use that fire against someone or to control someone’s actions and decision making process, and that kind of interpretation of what was once an ancient science may not always be in the interest of the querent … again this is the worst scenario/expression of this that i am discussing, NOT ALL PEOPLE / NOT ALL CASES of online spiritual information seeking behavior is of this variety …but the variety I am discussing, it can be very irresponsible and dangerous, for outsiders looking in on a person and using interpretations, and innocently using an ancient tool, but it can also cause pain that the individual might self-inflict, i say these things bc of what i’ve observed of astrological clickbait on youtube (spotify, internet search engines etc), and also of my own previous spiritual information behavior, which i have sought in the past and sometimes occasionally still do because i have very often not had the kind of person to provide that for me, such a person wasnt always readily accessible and available when i needed them, and i’ve been working to use those spiritual tools from less of a fear-based place. and have also found SPIRITUAL COMMUNITY with the Quakers which has helped to lessen my reliance on material/physical spiritual goods and services. I do still use them! I just am attuned to when I am over-relying and using out of fear/anxiety. and that’s why i sometimes might watch a number of a channel’s videos so that i get a feel for the kind of “reader” they are and if i can hear that they use language or even if they put it in the title, that aims to sensationalize and fear-monger, i am suspicious. So it’s been important to find a few creators that i did “trust” in a way that i can’t quite explain, in the past and sometimes still now, not as much, because i’ve gotten more and more in touch with my own inner voice and trust it and allow it to release words, and that self strength and self trust continues to slowly build day by day, i may always be working on that:

So again, i am discussing the information behavior of both online spiritual “gurus”/“readers”/etc as well as online spiritual seekers… behavior that reflects a motivation/drive/desire to control others and monopolize attention via fear, sensationalizing, etc… they are also able to make money off it on youtube (or spotify or whatever, any commodified social media-advertising platform with influencers) as long as they have a “legal disclaimer” and of course section 230 so they just get away with it and are profiting, so what else is new right lol, but i mean, maybe they’re well meaning, i guess? cause they’re curious about a spiritual tool and a spiritual worldview that does resonate for them on some level and are exploring, and they’re also trying to provide for themselves and put food on the table while working from home as a youtube content creator…. Realizing as I’m journaling/writing about this, my thought and emotional reasoning process just confirms to me that I am a Quaker

but another side of me thinks, hey... i'm all for people providing for themselves financially through work believe me... and i'm all for cultural diffusion and learning and growth and all those pretty wonderful joyful things of a global and interconnected society. but if we're talking about the spiritual-intellectual property of a country that was colonized by English speakers being co-opted by English-speaking internet "businesspeople" who have not studied the origins of the tools, being used towards revenue collection, malice, hate, misguidance, misdirection, incitement of violence in thought and in act/deed, extortion of funds through the vehicles of predatory advertising and spiritually lost citizens? I might call that something that causes some psychological damages to the people on the receiving end, and damage indirectly to the original keepers of that sacred knowledge who DID know how to appropriately handle it, and the owners of that sacred knowledge are due financial compensation for the misuse of information and knowledge by people to whom it does NOT "rightly" (rite-ly, as in RITE) belong and who cannot prove DNA-based or documentational ancestry.

A legal disclaimer, actually, deeply, in my belief system, and in my opinion, may not, in the deepest sense, absolve you of responsibility. it should not be construed as such, because why you might ask??? well....

India's ancient sciences, scriptures, language, intonation, EVERYTHING of its culture is the home frequency of my parents' ears, and their parents' ears, and deep in my bones and in my soul, my ears. My ears are also attuned to the sounds of America and its promises and principles, i've lived HERE in the US my whole life, not in India (though, i was born there). but it's hard, it's really really hard, to be caught in between both, and to not feel like i belong fully to either. the sounds and tones and words of Sanskrit that gave rise to the practices and thinking and ultimately, the behaviors we display and the way we move in the world and the way we spiritually live in the world.... that language is the language of the spiritual backdrop and cosmology that is the current that runs through Indian peoples' and families' lives, from cradle to grave. those words deliver individuals and families through sacred rites of passage, that are important for all people to experience of course, but those words and tonalities and the authority to speak them were of the most sacred responsibility because they ensured human life entered safely, journeyed safely, and finally, passed on to the next safely, in the form of the performing of last rites. and if it's being distorted in the language of the colonizers to inflame people to hate and malice and fear and continued confusion and delusion because those creators need to make money to provide for themselves an their lifestyles???????? WTF???????!!!!!!!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING????????? JUST CAUSE IT'S WRITTEN IN THE "LAW" THAT YOU'RE OFF THE HOOK FOR WHATEVER THE HELL YOU WANNA SAY ONLINE, THAT SOMEHOW MAKES IT MORALLY OK ??????!?!???!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?! LOL NOOO!!!!!!!!!! STOP, DO NOT PASS GO, DO NOT COLLECT $200!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! but like I think if you're using it in respectful cooperation and understanding and in the interest of learning and humbling yourself, and using it towards the common good and if what you are doing can in no way be misconstrued or reasoned by others to be and malicious, that's a different thing entirely...or like if you are making a lot of good money off of it and not being malicious, could you at least like donate it or something idk? I acknowledge that I am referring to ancient hindu peoples and do not speak on behalf of the many other spiritual communities and identity groups in India, of which I am not as informed and knowledgeable. I also acknowledge that the astrological sciences were present in additional regions of the fertile crescent/mesopotamia so I acknolwedge that my perspective is limited from that lens of interpretation. i am limited.

All of that to say......

The only person who really knows who you are and were and can be… is YOU

you are you, in THIS life. Who you were, are, and will be, and how you will be remembered is ON YOUR TERMS AND NO ONE ELSE’S, NOT EVEN AN ASTROLOGER, like if you want it to be on their *terms*/if you want to make your choices based on THEIR “terms and conditions” that’s your CHOICE to accept or reject, but you have the choice to reject!!!!!!!

Yes obviously we live in community and in relationship and are shaped by and in turn shape others, yes, that is inherent to life, but that dynamic relies on our own self expression being guided by your own inner truth and moral compass

Astrologers and spiritual teachers are not authority figures, they are simply “consultants” “advisers” “suggestors” (not a word lol) …. They are PEOPLE. They are HUMAN BEINGS just as flawed and imperfect and with their own psychological “baggage” as anyone, regardless of whether they acknowledge it or not

You are living THIS life, you are not who *anyone* tells you you “were in a past life” or who you will be in your next or anything like that

Who knows, in the deeper cosmology of the human endeavor there may be those cycles of time and “karma” but you are only to be concerned with the personal actions you take and how you treat others in kind IN THIS LIFE OF A LIMITED AMOUNT OF TIME

What you are here to exponentially-multi-generationally pay back karmically or whatever is none of your business in this life and it’s especially not theirs

No one knows what we’re REALLY doing when it comes to the answers to these kinds of questions, when we are in the grips of fear and looking for answers and clues and trying to make sense of it all… ok NO ONE KNOWS, we’re all just trying to figure it out together

Ok being Indian and all this stuff about the caste system blah blah blah… I can’t summarize it all but HAYDEN J BELLENOIT’S A HISTORY OF BRITISH INDIA DOES A SUPERB JOB…basically, the British took what wasn't theirs in many ways, including the way the caste system has come to "be known" popularly, it wasn't always like that before they came apparently.... so from internet searches and my own parents telling me:
Pathak means READER, or teacher/preceptor… historically priests but in the many years since, have done MANY other jobs
Tiwari comes from TRI VEDAS, the 3 vedas, also historically priestly, but also associated again with MANY other jobs and also with freedom fighters

That’s what makes me and my siblings and my nuclear family different from all my cousins and extended family and uncles/aunts. We may all be "Pathaks" but we all have DIFFERENT MOMS // we may be related to dad's sister's family but they have a DIFFERENT DAD

We are "Pathak-Tiwaris"

how long do you think this would've taken to get published in an academic journal??

Thoughts that came to me about "climbing up the mountain" and what we might be getting wrong about that metaphor...as it intersects with "astrology" and/or "karma" and/or "hard work" and/or "determination" and/or "capricorn" since people want to just assume they know everything about a person based on internet articles about their "sun sign"

the first mountain you (I/we) climbed was underground. From the core of the earth, up through undersea volcanoes, through tectonic plates, until you (I/we) set foot on earth's land.

the next mountain you (I/we) climb is here on the physical earth, scaling it to the peak, never abandoning this terrain.

until the third mountain, and I'm not there yet.

Convert fear to prayer, but not the same prayers that are oft repeated, that are well-known and routine. that come out of our mouths as second-nature.

No: we need new prayers. new words strung together in new ways. for the real stuff, the real challenges, the pain and suffering on earth. new words and prayers that do not bypass this suffering, that do not excuse humans, let us off the hook. time to retire our aging and tired prayers that this world is inarguably outgrowing.

evolve our thinking: think deeper, yet lighter and with ease, think differently. think thoughts seriously and with control but release them as words (in whatever forms and expressions) with buoyancy, beauty, openness; with the knowledge that the words will intermingle and morph anew through release. the energy may very well receive the the equal and opposite, like newton's laws of motion, in order to create something new and unknown yet crucial to our growth and survival.

create with depth and control yet flowing ease -- like the singer's voice as it soars in the balance of rootedness and height.

The longstanding image of god as man and father. The longstanding conception of heaven as above and beyond, not of the earth, and somewhere the faithful preoccupy and distract themselves with. Attention must now turn to the mother, to earth. I write in the "we" because I don't know how else to...
We must and do honor her (earth's) most fertile depths, and we take solace in her soaring and soothing skies as she sings to meet us in between with the wealth of her bounty. there is wealth in the love and connection and unity that is available to us right now, if we choose to see it and have the courage to animate it, to bring it to life. the wealth that takes the form of connection in one another's eyes and one another's presence. We heal the hurt enacted upon all of earth's land, and upon the original stewards of all of earth's lands. in the name of expansion and exploration, there are now consequences that must be reckoned with. the original stewards of this land, those whose lives were taken in the name of conquest -- their wisdom persists deep, true, and bright in the bowels of the earth, rising in humanity, they never left. we must always do better once we know better. our human spirits and our human forms usher in new yet familiar knowing, as we shed, like a snake, the skin that has ripened to its present stage of release, rebirth. a new birth. we, together, birth a new earth, a restored earth. the earth, who reacts now to the depletion, the draining of her unconditional love. her unconditional love and natural regulation of earthly cycles to produce bounty, these are the original renewable natural resources that have for too long now been exploited and extracted with no reciprocation of care and connection in the hearts of humanity. We cannot expect earth's bounty if she and her human daughters are raped and pillaged and left to fend for themselves. we cannot expect earth's bounty if her song continues to be born through humans only for some humans to be sent to kill another human in the name of arbitrary national entities and in response to nonexistent threats. threats that only exist in the psyches of fearful men, compensating for something(s), afraid to lose all that which they can't realize was unnecessary to begin with. mis-utilizing and misdirecting their fear in the name of malice, harm, and selfish, cowardly retribution. men who can see no other way beyond violence. their minds can't imagine it. they have nothing else in their realm of thought beyond what they've already seen and known, the violence and war of the 20th century, they romanticize it, and they profit off it. they cannot innovate. they are too obsessed with proving something to their own parents, that they take it out on humanity. to act anew, to act in the interest of restoring faith, to act with loving kindness and mercy, to act in love despite what caused you pain -- that is courage. that is leadership. that is legacy -- that will live forever in both the human conscious and subconscious experience.

we turn to mothering. what is it to mother. we re-mother girls, women, and mothers; we re-mother boys, men and fathers; we re-mother human beings regardless of what we call them and how they identify themselves.

The thinkers were settling in for another evening as the moon rose in Old Galahay. A long day was now behind them, during which they greeted one another, tried one anothers' cooking, and spoke of their mutual wanderings with warmth, curiosity, and understanding. They had walked all over town, tending to the plants and feeding the animals, repairing parts of each others' homes, and recycling items amongst themselves. Much was done, and they felt interconnected and at peace. They could now retreat to their own dens and nourish their own selves, with cups of tea, books they had borrowed, gentle music, and the evening concert of crickets, frogs, and owls to lull them into their dreams.

Their dream time and sleep time was taken seriously in Old Galahay. There was a shared acceptance that their sleep state was integral to their waking hours. If sleep was missed, they could not think, they could not know, they could not behave in integrity. No matter what, the thinkers of Old Galahay always got enough sleep.

They knew deeply and naturally that it was their differences that made them strong, capable, and happy as a people.

While those on the other planets rushed about in high speed and lived lives of high electricity demand, the thinkers of Old Galahay enjoyed a moderately paced life of their choosing. Nothing external to them was mandating that they live faster than the rate at which their thoughts required to maintain high quality.

They would hear on the regular interplanetary conference calls that the lives of those on other the planets had become so fast, so unwillingly, that they could not think well. Some of them even began to lose working memory earlier than those who had come before them.

But not the thinkers of Old Galahay. They enjoyed handwritten mail, landlines, record players, and long walks in the contemplative woods.

Stemma loved to think about other people. She was fascinated by them. What did they love, what were their secrets, what embarrassing things happened to them as kids. Her curiosity was insatiable. She never had the courage and/or the opportunity to follow any of her curiosities, however, so she could only invent ideas and she created fictional descriptions of them in her mind.

Her mind. A complicated place. Exhausting but a sanctuary nonetheless. Her most sacred power and her most fateful undoing. Where did her mind come from? Where even was it? She sometimes thought about her mind being a physical thing external to her. But not in the way that the men tried to create when they invented computers. She thought of things like a magical sewing machine and magical fabrics that could be weaved and sewn and threaded and patchworked together. That's how she thought a mind would look as a physical thing external to her. Something like that.

She imagined inventions. But she also loved people. Other planets were realizing that inventions often replaced people. She could also think about how those inventions freed people up to live better and happier. But that didn't seem to be the case on the high-speed, high-electric, corporate planet of decaying minds. It seemed that the more the inventions, the worse the living.

She thought a lot about the poison of competitiveness that so plagued the other planets. What a confusing concept. That living as a person was something to compete about. When there was enough for everybody. She was perplexed because instead of seeing everybody else as threats to beat, everybody else was in fact the greatest source of strength and support on Old Galahay.

be in the body
be with the energy of nature
take care to soar gently,
and enjoy the vistas,
and weather the storms,
and recalibrate your wings.
believe, believe, believe
and just keep going
keep going, keep going, keep going
you will get through
we will get through
there is pain, there is grief
there is hurt, there is injustice
there is powerlessness, there is fear
I breathe, I breathe, I breathe,
I cry, I weep, I mourn,
and persist.

gentle raindrops
on a late Thursday night,
the spring sky, alive with stars,
magnetizing us to the infinite,
the beyond, the mysterious unknown:
forever our companion.
and as raindrops fall,
I whisper prayers to my candle,
holding onto hope and faith,
that we all may move through
these challenging times,
and leave stronger
in our capacities
for love and connection
than when we began.
renewed by the rain,
restored under the night sky,
we prepare to live another day.

in and of the world,
we move, we feel.
beyond the surface,
and behind the curtain:
the truth rises,
the heart of life appears,
the songs of our souls,
revealed.
all in good time,
and not a second sooner.